The student media was summoned to a press conference in the main Admin building last Wednesday. The small room was packed and the air conditioner didn’t seem to be working. Behind the table was a slim, attractive and reasonably well-endowed brunette, quite naked.
“Climate change is threatening our planet,” she said, “and turning our air conditioners off is one of the things we can do, starting today and every Wednesday.”
“But during heat waves like this,” said her colleague, a nervous looking fellow who seemed more uncomfortable in the altogether, “it can be pretty stuffy in some of the classrooms without AC.” He moved away from the table as if he wasn’t sure whether his balls would better be above or below the table height. “To make it bearable to stay in class,” pausing to glance up when several in the room started snickering , “…um….I mean tolerable, our national Global Warming Wednesdays organization has declared Wednesday to be clothing optional”.
“GWW is a national organization,” the girl said. “We have had several campuses in California join our movement, and yours would be the first on the east coast. We notice that some of you girls on campus are already not wearing too much today, but we would recommend that on Wednesday, you go all the way to save the planet.” She gave a little smile, as she was pretty satisfied with her rhetoric.
Her colleague cleared his throat. “Any questions?”
The editor of the campus newspaper was first to jump up. “Coverage?” More laughs in the room. “I mean, staff as well as students, male as well as female?”
“Global warming affects everyone,” the earnest brunette lectured. “And, so do the air conditioners. The program applies to everyone.”
One of the campus radio DJs, piped up: “But you said it’s clothing optional. So the profs or shy folks choose not to participate. What’s to encourage this taking off?” More snickers.
“Good question, “ said the guy, smiling himself now for the first time. “That’s where our donation system comes into play. On Wednesday, if our organization members find someone on campus who isn’t naked, they are asked to make a donation to the GWW organization of $1 for every person in the room at the time. “
“$1 for every person in the room,” repeated the DJ. “So that’s only a buck if you’re alone in your office, but $100 in the lecture hall?”
“Exactly,” said the girl. “ Profs might prefer to keep their clothes on; some might even prefer to keep their air conditioners on, we can’t stop them. But if we hear the air conditioners, we look for clothes, we collect the donations. Either way, the environment wins.” Another smile.
The questions started coming quickly. “Why should anyone participate if we don’t believe that Global Warming is real?” The question came from some Tea Party guy in the back row, and it was answered by another guy closer to the front. “Who cares about the enviro-debate? Clothing optional Wednesdays sound like fun… A sacrifice for the environment that I’m prepared to make. I’m in.” There were murmurs of agreement.
“Well, I have some news,” said one of the older CCC Inspectors sitting at the back of the room, counting the number of people in the sweaty room. Directing his comments to the brunette and pointing towards her neatly trimmed landing strip, “You owe $25. At this campus we have a Campus Code of Conduct that defines what is a garment, and you are not nude.”
The room fell into a hush. The guy moved further away from the table when he started a salute, no doubt thinking about what his friend would look like fully shaven. She turned red. In the face, at least.
And most everyone else in the room was working through how the Code might take Wednesdays in directions they hadn’t anticipated.
[To be continued.]