Message to College Co-Eds: Keep your top covered! (archives)

Message to College Co-Eds: Keep your top covered!
Message to College Co-Eds
from the College Dress Code Office

Please, girls: Keep your tops covered!

On rare occasions it is necessary to reinforce the message of decorum and decency which is the centerpiece of our Dress Code. Alas, such an occasion has arisen today. With the advent of warm weather, girls have turned to skimpier dresses than they wore during the winter. This, in and of itself, is certainly not a problem. The Dress Code does not prohibit even the skimpiest of dresses; rather, the judgment of proper coverage of a girl’s most private regions is left up to the girl herself — who better to judge her own modesty?

One of these very private regions, which all girls should keep carefully covered, is her breasts. A girl’s breasts make her uniquely feminine. They are soft, and beautiful. To reveal them would cause distractions that might detract from our serious academic environment at the College.


It is appropriate in this message to provide clear guidance to help you select and wear clothing that keep your delicious melons nicely wrapped. If you wear a dress, as most girls do, then obviously you don’t wear anything under it, because the Dress Code requires you to go “commando” under your dress. The purpose of this rule, of course, is to encourage you to wear a dress in which you feel comfortable. A dress that is too short will not fully cover you, leaving you feeling vulnerable. On the other hand, if your dress is too long, as many of you know from experience, you are more likely to be inspected, as long dresses have been used by some unscrupulous girls to conceal panties or other forbidden undergarments.

We have asked one of our co-eds to model a dress she feels is a perfect length. It balances her need to be covered with the College’s need to ensure that girls are following the Dress Code. As you can see, the dress covers her completely, and ensures that she is very modest indeed.


This dress is typical of dresses worn by girls all across our great campus. Its straps have a way of slipping off the girl’s shoulders. When this happens, the girl’s breasts are subject to being revealed, which is something she wants to avoid at all costs. A girl can begin down the right track when she selects the dress in the first place. She should make sure the dress is snug about her breasts. If her breasts are nice and large, they will fill the dress out nicely. But if her breasts are small, or medium sized, she must ensure her dress fits snugly about her chest. This way, when the straps slip off her shoulders, her dress will continue to shield her mammary cargo from casual view.

What can a girl do, if she feels her golden bozos slipping out of her dress? As this lovely girl demonstrates, she can lift one or both legs, pressing them against her succulent yabbos to keep her dress in place. As long as she remains perfectly still, her love apples remain nicely wrapped.


To prove a point, we asked the girl to lower her legs, and then we watched as her dress slipped downward, coming dangerously close to exposing her hooters. We told her jokes, hoping to provoke belly laugh sufficiently powerful to dislodge her bodacious tatas.


But none of our tricks worked. Her cup cakes remained nicely covered. We were about to end the photo shoot with great disappointment, as we had not had a chance to capture her dairy section on film, when she unexpectedly sniffed the plastic flowers on the table. “Mmmm,” she said as she inhaled deeply their nonexistent fragrance. She was lost in the moment, not realizing that a single instant of inattention to her dress was all it would take to unveil her cute little boobies. Naturally, we snapped away, to capture the moment as a lesson to all you girls on campus. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS if you wear a dress that doesn’t fit you snugly, especially if you are not heroically endowed with golden winnebagoes.


“OK, you caught me,” she said, totally embarrassed that she finally let her dress slip down, revealing her luscious scoops of flesh. “But I love this dress,” she continued. “What can I do to avoid showing my titties in public?”

She was really concerned, so we gave her some advice. First of all, we told her, although the dress is light, it could be a lot lighter. It’s a good four or five inches longer than necessary, and the weight of that fabric, pulling down against her chest area — well, it makes a difference.

“OK,” she said, “I’ll cut it down. Is there anything else?”

Well, yes, since you asked. We noticed that your nipples are soft. This might have contributed to your dress slipping off your casabas. If you rest your hand in your lap —

“Like this?” she asked

— yes, and stroke gently up and down, that’s right — then your headlights will naturally hold your dress in place a lot better.

“Oh, thank you,” she said, beaming.


Oh, these rules, they confuse girl like me. Can no wear top too long it is a dress. Can no wear no top. What is girl like me to do? I all send my clothes back to the Mother country. I have no tops to wear to keep my, how you say, dairy section from the distraction.

I see the girls wear the no tops all the time. In Mother country, we no wear tops on the beach. Yes, it is the fact that girls breasts are larger than boys breasts, but boys arms larger than girls arms. Girls are not the boys. We be different but the same, no?

Roommate, she so helpful, she did say I walk with books to chest. I be okay.

Comment By Zanna At 12/2/2007 7:07 AM

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